7 Reasons to not hate the French (as much)

7 Reasons to not hate the French (as much)

I was well over thirty when I could finally afford my too-long-anticipated Europe backpacking trip. As fate would have it, this timed with the peak of… the second Gulf War. But despite being a reviled American, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that most citizens of the earth managed to hate the French even more.

As a fellow despised tourist, I must defend my French brethen and implore you: please don’t hate them quite as much. Here’s a few reasons why:

1. America wouldn’t exist without them.

(Hopefully there’s some appreciation of our existence and role as the worst-except-any-of-the-other-options-out-there superpower.)

The epic underdog story of America’s independence wouldn’t be complete without the Frenchies. Benjamin Franklin, OG pimp of all pimps, captivated the French like the human lightening rod that he was, fueling their shared hatred for the Brits they committed their army, navy, and air force (fine, hot air balloons) to battle for us. Ironically, despite bending Britain over this contributed to their downfall. While we got independence, the French just got a bunch of debt… and with the French commoners inspired by revolution overseas (along with a severe grumble in the stomach—despite all the cake) the debt-laden royalty and aristocrats that embraced the rockin’ revolution soon lost their heads to the next.

2. They gave us the Statue of Liberty.

‘Nuff said.

3. At the end of a meal the French don’t say “I’m full,” they say “I’m no longer hungry.”

As the world homogenizes and progress creates new words, the French famously resist. In a desperate attempt to defend their language from naturally evolving words being used around the globe, they insist on reshaping these to sound more French.

But the above phrase might better be used by us fatter Americans, Brits, Mexicans, Qatarans, Czechs, Samoans (and nearly every developed country). Not only do the French eat well, they know when to stop.

4. The inventor of this is French

Want to fly on water jet boots like the girl in the pic? All thought up by a French dude, Zapata. Genius. And now he created one that rides on thin air.

And then he comes up with this?! Beyond Jetsons…

5. Unlike our other European allies, we haven’t got into a war with them

Great Britain, Spain, Germany, Italy… we’ve went to war with all of them at one time or another. Not the French.

Merci.

6. French Fries

… or is this reason to hate them more…?

7. When traveling overseas you will not be the most hated tourist

Let’s just finish this with how we started: They are more reviled than anyone to the extent that, despite being a despised American at the time, I ended up defending the French in discussion with an Australian.

He told of when traveling France they kept making fun of his attempts to speak the language.

I replied, “Well since you don’t know the language, maybe you misinterpreted.”

“No,” he countered, “they’re for sure laughing at me.”

“How can you know for sure…? Maybe they were already in a conversation and laughing at that.”

“Well it’s a really funny joke they all know… and the punchline is every time I’m done talking.”